Most of my christian friends don't understand why I left the Christian faith. Most of my "heathen" friends never asked, or just assumed because of things I said about my past.
I've decided to make it clear to all (who read my blog). I'm will garuntee that my christian friends will not see it as a valid excuse, and will tell me not to judge christianity on past mistakes. But it's a lot easier to say when you havn't had a road as hard as mine.
The very simple reason that I will branch off from, is that while I was a christian, I lived a miserable, hellish, useless exsistance. My life was shit, nobody attempted to help me, and I was basically told to suck it up. When I moved out, it was a "heathen" friend that came to my rescue. None of my christian friends wanted to get between my parents and I. My friend W was the one that saved me. I will owe him for the rest of my life. It was move out or end my hellish life. To this day, I don't think anyone understands how bad it was.
When I got into the typical teenage/young adult activities (sex, drugs,alcohol), thats when some of my christian friends started leaving or taking a pretty damn conspicuous 6-8 month break from being in my life. The reaction I got when I told all my chirstian friends what I was doing, basically to test our friendship and see who was really there for me, were radically different. One friend started laughing, another could only nod her head in horror and say "Oh..Oh...oh." Yet another was suprised, and one simply exclaimed "MARTHA!?!?!" Some people I didn't get to talk to face to face. I had to tell them over the phone or in an email. After I sent an email to an out of state friend, I got a phone call from her. She told me she had read it and had started crying while skyping with her boyfriend. Slowly, friends started distancing themselves or leaving me. The worst part was, half of them told me they wern't suprised. They had expected it.
That made me really friggen mad. How could you see it coming, and not do anything to sway me the other way? Really, sit back and watch? How much of a hypocrite can you possible be. The Bible says to witness to people, but they just let it happen?
My "heathen" friends, they were there for me while I was a mess. They didn't ditch or distance themselves from me, no matter what I said or did. It's not that they approved of all the things I was doing, they told me what they thought. But they didn't leave or judge. I didn't lose one friend.
So here is why I left "the faith." Because I have a better life now, because my non christian friends were the ones that were there for me. I left so that when I get a tattoo or 20 odd piercings, I don't get upturned noses, pointed stares, or get told that I "desecrated my body." To not have to feel guilty that I have done the "ultimate sin", or rebelled against God. To not have people constantly SHOVE their beliefs on me, and tell me that I had no valid excuse to leave the church. That having two parents that claimed that they were christian, but one emotionally and verbally abusing me, the other completely whipped and not standing up for me was not a reason. That my 18 years of hell was "for a purpose" and that God had a "reason" and that it should have made me "stronger in faith". That I shouldn't judge christianity on the two people that were supposed to exemplify it for me. Yeah right, spare me.
I can say anything to try to make Christians understand, but its no excuse. God never did anything for you? He delivered you from your parents, who by the way, really weren't that bad. Your Christian friends deserted you? Well, they just didn't want to be dragged down with you. They preach at you all the time? They are just doing their chrstian duty by witnessing. 24/friken7. Never stop witnessing. No, I don't ask you out to dinner just to preach at you and tell you that you should talk to your parents (also known as sarcasm).
I cannot win with Christians. So I have given up. I am "forever busy" to the friends that try to preach and judge. I have my reasons, no matter how much they are unacceptable.
A side note. It's not that I don't have good friends, best friends that are christians. Cassy never once left me behind or judged. Shannon stayed by my side. My ex pastor was one of the few from my church that was in my corner. Keith will tell me exactly what he thinks, but never once "forgot" about me. I know it's impossible for a christian to think that I could have a better life, that I could be happier. It will catch up to you, they all say. Let it come, because nothing could be worse that living with my parents.
